Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Im farking annoyed now. You know how irritating it is when you keep harping and counting down that we have 10 more days till we get back? I know you are damn free now and have nothing better to do than to watch stupid tv programs and talk shows until 5am, sleep till afternoon and complain about your back and how tired you are. I still have things to do so stop rubbing it in. You told me 3 times today that it is 10more days. I heard enough.

And you dare say i am insensitive when you are having exams? Which idiot thinks it is insensitive to say that i can't go out when you are having exams? Not that i cant go out, but becos you are the only person i will go out with and when you are having exams i don't go out, not even by myself. HUH?HUH?HUH??? READ THIS. IF I farking brag to you about my party escapades when YOU are having exams then THAT is being insensitive. CAN YOU SEE THE DIFFERENCE???

You say whenever you call me when i am having exams i always get irritated cos im stressed. YA fair enough i know i am feisty during that period. You know yourself i study damn last minute so i am stressed and you always disturb me and call at the wrong time so obviously i get jumpy right? And you compare yourself and say when you are stressed when you're having exams and i call you never ever say or show thatyou are stressed. Then now suddenly you say when i call you i am also disturbing you. THINK AGAIN. EVERY FARKING TIME I DON'T CALL who goes Why you never call me? I am damn stressed now i need to talk to someone but you don't care about me at all, you don't love me Whos PMS alarm clock rings every 3 months and starts saying i quote: You don't love me, you don't give a shit about me at all Then now suddenly you say whenever i call you during exams i am disturbing you? Then when you kenna bang you say your favourite phrase Whatever lah, you're always right, im always wrong, i always say 1 thing then change my story (copying what i said last time). What the fark issit you want from me? Don't call say don't care, call say disturb. At least when you call and disturb me and i get irritated, i don't say things like if you don't call you don't care. And you say whenever i call i always talk about myself or other things but never bother to ask how is your day or how was your paper? Please...i believe in small talk like that only to people i am not familiar with. WHO in the world makes meaning out of How was your day or How was your paper? I seriously don't understand how this kind of mundane questions can make your day better. Its not as if you will tell me what happen. All you tell me is ok lor, same lah. After being together for long enough you regard these kind of things as important? I seriously don't see it your way to the point of it being funny.

I have trained you to be less dependent of phone calls and smses, because i don't believe in things like making it a habit to say I Love You everyday or Good night every night. You have made improvements on that so kudos to you. The part you are still not getting right is, why must every conversation begin with asking each other how their day was? Its like those people who go to a shop and the sales staff asks how are you or comment that the weather is nice and they actually reply them?? Like hello? Thats a way of saying Hi. You wanna reply to that fine, but theres no meaning in that, like i said just SMALL TALK. But then again, oh yah i forgot. You take every word so seriously that in this case, small talk = chatting or asking you how is your day = i care. I seriously think we are on different frequencies.

And then you compare yourself to my cat or Daph. Damn it, whenever i say i miss Tomtom and you are right beside or worse facing me, you actually tell me i can say i miss Tomtom how come i don't say i miss you??? You are right in my face and you want me to say i miss you? Do you think i am insane? Good gracious, i remember very clearly you said to me yourself that you don't feel as important to me as my cat. HELLO!???? My cat is part of my family. You dare to tell me that you are not as important as my family??? If one day you tell me i am more important than you family i think will honestly think twice about the relationship because FAMILY IS MORE IMPT DEN BF/GF. BF/GF can break up with you one day, but family will always be there for you. This is a CLEAR example of Blood is Thicker than Water. & Ya i talk to Daph often, about shopping, about you, about other stuff. You ask why i can't talk about the same things to you?? How can i talk about you to you and shopping to you when im sure you've heard enough. I am trying to be sensitive about not boring the hell out of you by refraining from associating you with my shopping habits. So what else is there to talk about other then asking you what you wanna do over the weekend, or tell you about what movies are good, or what i wanna cook for you this weekend. Is that not considered talking??? Seriously, everything i do doesn't seem to be up to your standards so why don't you tell me what you want because i always have to guess, if im wrong i get yelled at, or we start quarrelling and i learn the hard way. And for once, make some "executive decisions" as Karin said. Why issit that all the time i have to make small decisions like what to do, where to go, what to eat. Going with the flow is one thing, but a cant-be-bothered-to-think attitude is another.

Another thing. Double standards. Why issit that whenever we argue or quarrel and you say you don't wanna talk about it anymore then i have to stop? Then when you continue and i continue back you always accuse me of trying to pick a quarrel again? Fuck double standards ok. Doesn't mean that when you ask me to shut up i have to shut up. And i fucking hate it whenever i am not finished and you interrupt me, then when i ask you to let me finish you yell at me and say TALK LAH YOU SAY U HAVEN FINISH SO TALK NOW LAH. And then next thing you say i am picking a quarrel? You farking do that ALL THE TIME. When you feel like hanging up on the phone also you just hang up and i am not suppose to be affected. Then when i do that you farking scream at me, throw things in the house, kick and yell and go beserk like a farking mad man and start crying. Damn it what the hell are you?

I have been trying not to tell myself that i am not taking on the role as the guy and you as the clingy girlfriend, but the more i see it, the more i think i cannot deny the role im playing here.

Just to add to what Jem said on her latest blog entry. I agree that this world is full of shit. But thats only because the people are full of shit that makes this world full of shit.

tw|nKled by t|aRa on 1:19 AM