Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Its time to stop drafting and publish a real entry. Its been so long, ill be going back to Sg again soon before i know it. I guess somehow the novelty of blogging is gone, there wasn't much to start off anyway, & maybe sometimes its better to keep certain thoughts and feelings to myself.

Living at my new place really makes time past so much faster than when i was at that ulu place. To top it off, the past few weeks have been pretty hectic. The week starting from easter break went by so quickly, with Nat, Karen, Stacy & their boyfriends here in Sydney. My motto is always enjoy first, suffer later. Indeed. Mid semesters and assignments were due after the holidays. The last assignment for this semester is due this Friday, after which exams will be just around the corner. Then ill be seeing Singapore soon. I honestly can't wait. Will be going to HK with my mum, her gd friend and Daph! Im so excited. After being best friends since Pri 4, this will be our first trip together.

Im really worried about that silly girl. Sometimes i really don't know whats going on in her head. Despite the clear warning signs and me telling her umpteen times, her vision is still clouded. Being abroad makes it slightly harder to talk to her, i mean i can't just call her anytime i like and for as long as i would love to. Phone bills here are simply too costly. Babe, i know you won't be reading this, but i just need to get this off my chest. Please wake up! As Melvyn said, you just rolled out of shit and now you're rolling back into shit again.

I was reading my wish list for this year and realised that ive striked out most of the items. Always another excuse to find new stuff. I have been restraining myself quite well and haven't been shopping for about 3 weeks now, i've spent too much on bigger things this month, can't afford to squander away whats left of my money on trivial things i can do without.

& about going to Perth in December for Yun's wedding, what flight are you guys gonna take? SQ? Cos most probably i will be flying to Perth from Singapore instead of flying domestically. Thought of planning to go up together. But well, we can discuss this when i get back to Singapore on the 25th of June. I will be back for about 5 weeks, & will be going back to Sydney a little later. Im gonna miss the 1st week of school to spend more time in Singapore. I really need to spend time with the people who mean something to me because i have to admit that i haven't really put in a 100% into keeping the relationship.

I think its time. This is going to be the first time im spilling my guts out about everything i have felt. This has been bugging me for reallyreally long and i never had to courage to speak up cos i was always afraid of rejection. To be honest, ever since the past incidents, ive always felt and known that things have changed dramatically. At some point i thought that it was just over and that i had been outcast. After some time and putting everything behind, i tried to pick up from where i left. If any of you are thinking now, that i didn't try hard enough, i have to agree and admit so. But its only because i was afraid. I know i probably only put in 70% into trying to patch things up, but the response wasn't too enthusiastic and i also felt as though i was too far behind to catch up so i just decided to let everything be and not try harder again. I mean, its not easy to try to patch things up again especially when you don't really feel welcomed with open arms, at least thats what i felt (or am i just being over sensitive?) I have to say, its not easy to simply forget about something that means alot even though i hardly ever showed it. And i simply cannot, which is why i am saying these things to all of you. I guess i was never too vocal about my feelings and at some point, i just took everything for granted. I know there was some discussion about accepting me again if i were to crawl back into your arms one day. That thought had never occurred to me because in the first place i had never really left and always assumed that everything was cool, only to find out later that i was so, so wrong.

Im kind of lost for words right now. Well, im gonna give it one last shot and i hope i could make a difference this time round.


I love the view of King St Wharf at sunset from my apartment.

tw|nKled by t|aRa on 1:29 AM