Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The rain is tapping on my windows, the wind is howling. My feet are cold. Its freezing.

I had a long sleep last night, about 14 hours. I didnt say much after dinner last night cos something happened before that, and he said some things which were really upsetting. I didnt have dinner last night cos i completely lost my appetite after everything. I just finished cooking dinner for him and my housemate, set the dinner table, washed the dishes, bathed, packed my clothes then went to bed by 1045. The rain was the last thing i heard before i fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night, and so many things were running through my mind. All the things he said, all the things i said, the feelings that came to me were awfully familiar. Of course, it all happened before with "him". It was like the whole cycle repeating again, but with a different person this time. I kept thinking to myself, why do i always stupidly do the same things for people who don't even give a shit? I get responses like "i didnt ask you to do it for me. just throw it away. i don't care. so what?" It breaks my heart because i thought he understood what i went through before and that was partly why he hated him.

I know i tend to give too wholeheartedly and end up having it thrown back in my face. This wasnt the first time, but this time, it really hit me. I felt like talking to Daph, but i didn't feel like talking about it. I felt so numb inside, i didnt know what to say to feel. It was just an empty feeling.

Anyway, i just came from someone's blog which i haven't visited in almost a year. I was surprised it was actually updated a couple of times. What surprised me even more was that i was mentioned in the latest entry. Heh. I thought i meant nothing even till the day everything was over.

I feel alot better today but I still haven't spoken much and will probably remain so until i sort things out on my own. On the upside, i got my bag today! And the store called today to tell me i can collect my shoes tomorrow.

Its crazy how life is like a rollercoaster.

tw|nKled by t|aRa on 1:09 AM