t|aRa
tw|nKled by t|aRa on 12:24 AM
tw|nKled by t|aRa on 2:37 AM
tw|nKled by t|aRa on 2:37 AM
tw|nKled by t|aRa on 10:49 PM
tw|nKled by t|aRa on 9:52 PM
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I have nothing to say to you. You ask me what if this, what if that, you always beat around the bush when you want to ask me something, never straight to the point and always trapping me. You ask me for my opinions, i tell you what i feel from the bottom of my heart. In return, you question my opinions and rebut me. And you even reason that by saying that by rebutting me, you want me to rebut you until you have nothing further to add. WTF? You think this is a debate? You tell me without even trying that you can't do it, or you can't help it. I told you time and time again what will happen if you do as you plan. In fact, everything i have ever told you is nothing new because you know it yourself. But you just have to challenge not just me, but yourself. And who pays for it in the end? You. You've screwed up your perfectly normal and happy life in return for short term happiness. Your decisions have made you throw away so many good things that you already took for granted. Look whats happened now? Yet you still haven't learnt your lesson. Im not saying that whatever i told you was right. What im trying to say is, do you even think abt what you are doing let alone think about the facts and the truth which i am merely reminding you of?
I am so sick of giving you advice, yet see you do the complete opposite and literally watch you waste your life, time and morals away. One bad hit does not permanently change your life forever. You continue to make the wrong decisions even though you know they will lead to no good end. What is this? Testing waters? The 1st thing you did was disappointing enough. Remember how i always told you that Neh and I always quarrel whenever we are talking about him? Just a few days ago, for once (in a veryvery blue moon) Neh actually said something nice about him for once. And that just emphasised the fact that you reallyreally threw away treasure for garbage. I quote Melvin "you got out of shit and now you're just rolling back into shit". Seriously......
You know im always here for you. But it is just so sickening to see what you are doing to yourself and it makes me feel worse cos theres nothing i can do. The choices are yours and i can only do so much. You know your cards better than anyone even though i have to lay them out for you. I really don't understand why you keep doing the opposite.
Honestly, i can't bear to see you like this.
I guess its true that everyone has their dark moments.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
There are moments when i tell myself that it's time to let go of the hatred and soreness from the past. I tell myself, its ancient history and time is suppose to heal all wounds. Recently, while i was back in Sg, i was packing some of my things. I saw the box that he gave me, with all the soft toys and other gifts which was given to me after it ended. I decided to open the envelope and read the contents. The past few times whenever i read it, i always felt an ache. Heartache, anger and bitterness. But for the 1st time, i didnt feel a thing. So i knew that i had forgotten abt everything. Unfortunately, the dream i had recently just made all that bitterness come back. I was so horrified and i was thanking god that it was just a dream! It is tiring to have hate in your heart. Well at least it has subsided from hate to bitterness. Oh well, i just wanted to rattle abt that a bit...
im actually contemplating on doing something really really stupid right now. something i would never even think of doing but for some reason i have itchy hands n i soooo feel like doing it now............
will try to occupy myself with other things so i won't do it n end up regretting it!
im actually contemplating on doing something really really stupid right now. something i would never even think of doing but for some reason i have itchy hands n i soooo feel like doing it now............
will try to occupy myself with other things so i won't do it n end up regretting it!
Monday, August 14, 2006
ughh....i've caught the flu bug! My nose is so stuffed up that i have to breathe through my mouth, and i can't smell anything. My taste buds are also not functioning properly at the moment. I started off with a bad sore throat on Thursday and Friday, and over the weekend it just got worse. I've also got a "great" workout for my abs through constant coughing....ugh....i wanna get well quickly so i can eat all the yummy stuff!
I baked brownies yesterday for the boys at home. Unfortunately, as delicious as they usually are, i didn't get to savour the rich chocolatey taste cos im sick!!!!! I had to eat porridge on Sat & Sun! & this morning when i got up for school, my voice was so hoarse that i sounded like a mannnnn. So i didn't go to school in the end.
To top it off, i had a nightmare (or morningmare rather lol) just before i was about to get up for school. It was the most horrible thing i could ever dream of. I remember sitting there in a confused state of mind, thinking if i was doing the right thing. THANK GOD I WOKE UP! Oh godddddd....i never ever wanna see that face or be in that position again. NEVER EVER AGAIN!
And...whilst going to the chemist to get cough medication this afternoon, i took a quick walk to the store to see whats new in store... hehehehe. I feel so happy on top of the flu!
Retail therapy...Instant therapy for any kind of sickness! *Grinz*
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
update update
Wow its been sooooooo long. So, heres just a short update on what im doing.
Its week 2 of school. So far, im loving it. My timetable is good. 1 of my subjects this semester is a huge 12 credit points Systems Development Project. Yes...12 credit points, so thats the workload of 2 6 credit points subjects. And on top of that, since it is a project, that'll probably amount to almost 3 subjects worth of time and effort. But so far, its good. There are 9 pple including myself in the group, and after 3 group meetings since week 1, i realise that the group is very dynamic. And we all have very different strengths that can contribute to the project, also very good! Oh...and 1 of the guys in the group is soooo handsome.... hahaha. Chiselled features, long hair in dirty blonde..Tall....hmmmmmmmmmm
I just remembered, i felt so cheated 2 weeks ago on the 27th when i attended the "supposedly" compulsory lecture. I flew back early just becos of that stupid lecture. It wasn't even week 1 of school so i thought it would be really impt since school hadn't even officially started. And bloody hell, they didnt even take attendance when it was said that attendance was compulsory!!! Argggggghhhhhhh i could had flown back to Sydney a week later!!!!! I felt soooooooo cheatedddd... But on the upside, i took my time to adjust back to Sydney's time, i had a nice relaxing weekend, and the week after as well. I still feel like im on holiday though. I always get that feeling after i come back from Sg.
The past few weeks with Neh have never been better. Almost every night, we lie in bed and chat till late... or until either of us falls asleep. We also have our almost daily "laughing" activity where i do something really funny that we laugh till our tummies hurt. It feels like having a slumber party with my best friend. There are also serious times when we have had thoughts and plans for the near future.
Ahhh...i hope this goes on forever.
Made bak kut teh for dinner today. Im so full after drinking so much soup and water cos i put too much pepper in the soup and it was too spicy for me. Anyway, my 3day school week is about to end soon. Suppose to meet Grace & Dawn for dinner this week... and Neh said we should go to the Fish Market this week YAY!
Im also loving the weather as it is warming up a little... I love Springggg!!!!!!